I get the same questions about adoption from soooo many folks, so I figured I would just write down my answers once and then I can send the link, LOL! My Daddy always said "Work smarter, not harder!" :) So, this is my attempt to do just that!
There are two typical avenues to adoption: Private or State Adoption. We are pursuing both State AND Private Adoption at the same time. How that happened is a long story, but that's where we are for now. You may already know the differences, but here they are just in case you don't.
PRIVATE Adoption is *usually* done through an agency (ours is Bethany Christian Services, which is a nation-wide agency) and pregnant women who know they want to place their baby for adoption contact the agency, which then serves as a matchmaking service of sorts, by screening adoptive families and letting the birthmom CHOOSE which family she'd like the baby to be placed with. Bethany also offers lifetime counseling services to the birthmom, before and after placement of the child, which is part of why we LOVE them and their mission to serve THE WHOLE TRIAD (baby, birthmom, and adoptive parents!) through the gift of adoption!!!
We started our adoption journey with Bethany over two years ago, on February 14, 2013 (BEST Valentine's date EVER!!!). At the time, Kevin was only working 20 hours per week (while attending college classes FULL-time!) and Bethany expressed concern about how we would pay the 5-digit $21,550 total for services rendered, lawyers, training courses, etc. They told us to pursue state adoption.
STATE adoption is free for adoptive families, and usually involves:
--older children,
--young children with varying degrees of special needs (mental, physical, and/or developmental disabilities), and/or
--sibling groups (because most folks only want to adopt one child at a time, these groups are MUCH harder to place in adoptive families).
We would like to pursue BOTH of these types of adoption, primarily because we want more than one more child (in addition to our current daughter who will be 8 this month--WOW!) and just cannot imagine trying to raise $21,550 for ANOTHER private adoption in the future. So, now, we are simply waiting to see which avenue of adoption matches us first with a child/children!
Stay tuned for my next post on where we are on the journey down BOTH these adoption avenues and to learn about the amazing things God is doing to encourage us in this pursuit!
Lots of love and big hugs,
Amy :)
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Swannanoa shindig, puppy
Adoption Picnic
Please pray for our family today!!! We are going to an Adoption Picnic, where adoptive families like us and children available and waiting to be adopted get to meet and mingle. In short, I have no idea what to expect and it is sure to be somewhat of a surreal experience, as the rest of this journey has been so far!!! I mean, who goes to a picnic to scout kids?!? Really??? That just feels WEIRD. Meanwhile, we are STILL waiting on the Fab Five, so our hearts are torn as to whether even to look to make any connections tomorrow....such a roller coaster of confusing emotions. My Gran calls this the In-Betweens, when one feels stuck between two lives, so to speak. As I was texting a sweet friend this week, all of life these days seems like a state of the In-Betweens. So, I am focusing on living as much as possible in the present, where I can squish and tickle and smooch on my girl, while Hubbs and I pray for the present circumstances of any children that may come to us...that they are well-loved, well-protected, and well-cared for, even if not by us.....yet. Join us in that prayer, wont you?
Monday, December 1, 2014
Writing is SO cathartic!!!
So, I am incredibly time-challenged. That is a funny, euphemistic way of saying that I am late. A LOT. As in, ALWAYS. Ugh. And that is sooooo NOT funny. I try to play it off as though I don't care that I am late...and sometimes I try to actually not care. Not because I am selfish or arrogant or inconsiderate of those who I am meeting at all. But, if I teach myself not to care, then I teach myself not to become too down on myself. Because frankly, many, many, many times it would be sooooo much easier to just not show up at all....I would simply realize I am going to be late and just STOP myself from trying to get out the door and stay at home. Instant pressure/stress relief! And then, folks may be disappointed in me not showing up, but they DON'T think I am an incompetent idiot, incapable of managing my life in an acceptable fashion. And THAT would be easier for me to handle. That wouldn't leave me in tears.
You see, I have adult ADHD. I do take meds for it, but even those don't always help because life happens 24/7. Meds work in approximately 4 hour chunks of time and take 30 minutes to get into my system and take effect. And although I am naturally a Night Owl, and do my best work alone, after the kid and Hubbs are asleep, I canNOT take the meds then, because they keep me from sleeping when I actually do need to go to bed. :/ So, I am chronically challenged by all sorts of things, but being late seems to be the "character flaw" that grates on the most people's nerves.
And so, I am rather a homebody. Maybe even hermit-ish. Some even say I am anti-social. Because I KNOW I am VERY intelligent. And have really AWESOME ideas. And am really GREAT at being present with folks in the moment. I am honestly one the most empathetic people I know. And, BOY, am I compassionate as a result! But when I run up against one of those people who can't seem to get past the fact that I was late, I forget all those amazing things about myself. Because I know that they can only see that I am late. And then they add to that, believing that I am therefore an unreliable and
selfish individual. Or they may think I am a complete idiot. Like tonight, I was invited to go bowling. The last time I went bowling with these folks, it was at Bowling Alley A, located about 30 minutes from my house. Tonight, the invite was to go to Bowling Alley B, which is only about 15 minutes away. But first, I had to pick up my daughter and I was already running late. :/ And so, I went about heading to the bowling Alley, thinking the whole time that I was headed for A, when I was really supposed to be at B. So, I got on the phone and passed my exit off the interstate, turned around, exited for Bowling Alley A, only to find out it was closed. As in, closed down. THAT was when I realized it was not named Bowling Alley B!!! (And let the record reflect that I am assuming that you have assumed that these are not the real names, but pseudonyms to protect the innocent bowling alleys in my area!)
So, at this point, I was rather frustrated and already feeling stupid, what with missing the exit for the wrong bowling alley altogether. BUT, I regrouped emotionally and realized I knew how to get from
A to B rather directly, without getting back on the interstate, which impressed even myself, LOL! So, FINALLY, we are on the way to the CORRECT place, when my friend calls and say they are getting ready to leave. Ugh. Ugh and UGH! :( I decide to show up anyway, just as literally the entire group is changing shoes and packing up children and heading out. By then, though, my kid wants to bowl, so I have to stay behind and sadly let her roll a few balls down the lane alone. Just me and her and one other friend, who is actually one of the folks I annoy the MOST with my tardiness. Can you spell HUMILIATING?!? :(
So, we finally leave and my mood plummets the closer we get to home, because I realize how silly it must have looked that we showed up as folks were leaving. It would have been MUCH easier for me to just go home!!! It was BRAVE of me to show up that late at all!!! But what folks will take home is that I was SEVERELY LATE and possibly STUPID for getting lost. Ugh. I hate, hate, HATE to appear stupid and flaky!!! I came home and cried. No joke. Even after trying to coach myself on the
way home to not care what others think about me.
And so, now, I am trying to remember Who I need to look to for contentment with my identity. I am trying to remember that He made me this way, with these challenges, for a reason...a reason I may never know or understand. I am trying to allow (isn't that a loaded word?!?) the Spirit to minister to me through these Truths:
--He has redeemed me, adopted me, called me His own.
--He "causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28, NASB)
The Message version of the Bible says it this way:
"26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
--He has “plans for good and not for evil, to give [me] a future and a hope." (Jer. 29:11, TLB).
--He wants me to think the best of others and myself! Philippians 4:8 says:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy
of praise, think about these things." (ESV)
And again, The Message version fleshes the picture out a little more for me:
"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."
So, for now, I am writing this all out as a way to process my feelings. If you've read this far, pat yourself on the back and know that I am grateful, for that was quite the stream of consciousness essay! ;) And maybe me writing this out helps you, too, because you may realize you are not the only one who struggles with this life. Hopefully, I can learn to be better at time management. But even more importantly, maybe I can learn to not be so hard on myself by dwelling with those Truths more often.
Until then...
"The Lord bless you
and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”
(Numbers 6:24-26, NIV)
Amy :)
You see, I have adult ADHD. I do take meds for it, but even those don't always help because life happens 24/7. Meds work in approximately 4 hour chunks of time and take 30 minutes to get into my system and take effect. And although I am naturally a Night Owl, and do my best work alone, after the kid and Hubbs are asleep, I canNOT take the meds then, because they keep me from sleeping when I actually do need to go to bed. :/ So, I am chronically challenged by all sorts of things, but being late seems to be the "character flaw" that grates on the most people's nerves.
And so, I am rather a homebody. Maybe even hermit-ish. Some even say I am anti-social. Because I KNOW I am VERY intelligent. And have really AWESOME ideas. And am really GREAT at being present with folks in the moment. I am honestly one the most empathetic people I know. And, BOY, am I compassionate as a result! But when I run up against one of those people who can't seem to get past the fact that I was late, I forget all those amazing things about myself. Because I know that they can only see that I am late. And then they add to that, believing that I am therefore an unreliable and
selfish individual. Or they may think I am a complete idiot. Like tonight, I was invited to go bowling. The last time I went bowling with these folks, it was at Bowling Alley A, located about 30 minutes from my house. Tonight, the invite was to go to Bowling Alley B, which is only about 15 minutes away. But first, I had to pick up my daughter and I was already running late. :/ And so, I went about heading to the bowling Alley, thinking the whole time that I was headed for A, when I was really supposed to be at B. So, I got on the phone and passed my exit off the interstate, turned around, exited for Bowling Alley A, only to find out it was closed. As in, closed down. THAT was when I realized it was not named Bowling Alley B!!! (And let the record reflect that I am assuming that you have assumed that these are not the real names, but pseudonyms to protect the innocent bowling alleys in my area!)
So, at this point, I was rather frustrated and already feeling stupid, what with missing the exit for the wrong bowling alley altogether. BUT, I regrouped emotionally and realized I knew how to get from
A to B rather directly, without getting back on the interstate, which impressed even myself, LOL! So, FINALLY, we are on the way to the CORRECT place, when my friend calls and say they are getting ready to leave. Ugh. Ugh and UGH! :( I decide to show up anyway, just as literally the entire group is changing shoes and packing up children and heading out. By then, though, my kid wants to bowl, so I have to stay behind and sadly let her roll a few balls down the lane alone. Just me and her and one other friend, who is actually one of the folks I annoy the MOST with my tardiness. Can you spell HUMILIATING?!? :(
So, we finally leave and my mood plummets the closer we get to home, because I realize how silly it must have looked that we showed up as folks were leaving. It would have been MUCH easier for me to just go home!!! It was BRAVE of me to show up that late at all!!! But what folks will take home is that I was SEVERELY LATE and possibly STUPID for getting lost. Ugh. I hate, hate, HATE to appear stupid and flaky!!! I came home and cried. No joke. Even after trying to coach myself on the
way home to not care what others think about me.
And so, now, I am trying to remember Who I need to look to for contentment with my identity. I am trying to remember that He made me this way, with these challenges, for a reason...a reason I may never know or understand. I am trying to allow (isn't that a loaded word?!?) the Spirit to minister to me through these Truths:
--He has redeemed me, adopted me, called me His own.
--He "causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28, NASB)
The Message version of the Bible says it this way:
"26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
--He has “plans for good and not for evil, to give [me] a future and a hope." (Jer. 29:11, TLB).
--He wants me to think the best of others and myself! Philippians 4:8 says:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy
of praise, think about these things." (ESV)
And again, The Message version fleshes the picture out a little more for me:
"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."
So, for now, I am writing this all out as a way to process my feelings. If you've read this far, pat yourself on the back and know that I am grateful, for that was quite the stream of consciousness essay! ;) And maybe me writing this out helps you, too, because you may realize you are not the only one who struggles with this life. Hopefully, I can learn to be better at time management. But even more importantly, maybe I can learn to not be so hard on myself by dwelling with those Truths more often.
Until then...
"The Lord bless you
and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”
(Numbers 6:24-26, NIV)
Amy :)
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Ramblings...
So, it seems that I've taken almost two YEARS off from posting at this blog. Oops! Oh well! :(
Anyway, it occurred to me this afternoon that this might just be the very appropriate place to journal a few motherly musings about our lives, as they happen. So, let the rambling begin!
I've noticed a few times lately that Faith is working hard to gain more control over her emotions. One day, I was sharing with her that I had been sad this past summer after the unexpected death of a dear friend, a father figure to me in June. She said something along the lines of "When you think of something sad, just think of something else and you won't be sad anymore." I *wish* I could recall it word for word, but that was the gist. Basically, think happy thoughts. Don't think sad thoughts. And all will be well with you. Is this pure suppression at its finest? Or is she on to something here??? I'm honestly not sure!
Today, I pick her up from school and tell her that we were going to the doctor and she has to get some shots, which she LOATHES (well, what person LIKES them, really?). Honestly, in the past, it has been super-dramatic, with nurses accidentally sticking her multiple times because she won't hold still. So, today, I tell her that she needs to try to be brave and that we are going to get ice cream BEFORE we get the shots, so that the shots won't hurt so much (a lil sugar high cuts down on pain reception, dontcha know?!?). She takes this all in rather well, better even than I expected, but while clipping her into the carseat, I notice that her eyes are swimming with unshed tears. And her bottom lip is set in a firm line.
She's trying not to cry with all her might.
And my heart BREAKS.
Just BREAKS.
For my girl and her strength. And for how I've utterly messed up. WHEN did I start to teach her that it's BAD to cry, for Pete's sake??? How has she received that message?
So, I tell her that it's okay to cry. And I hug her. Lots. And kiss her too. In her world, getting shots is a BIG deal and I was asking her to NOT FEEL upset. That's not okay with me. She's FIVE and already she's pushing her emotions down.
Then, we get on the road to said doctor's appointment and we are talking about how the appointment will go, when she interrupts me and says "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's talk about something else." And I understand. And, at the same time, admire her ability to tell her mama to shut up about the shots already!!!
So, she got the shots and is super proud of herself for not saying "ouch", although she cried a LOT before AND after them, even though I got two nurses in there to give the shots in both legs at the same time (I HIGHLY recommend tandem shot-giving!!!). And we talk some MORE (poor kid) about what it means to be brave--when you do something even though you are scared. And that even if she HAD said "ouch" she would have STILL been brave. And that I'm proud of her, so proud of how brave she was!
But, I just have this thing in the back of my mind that can't stop wondering how to teach my child better. How to teach her how to express her emotions, but control them too. I don't know if *I* know how to do those things!!! I DO know that I'm NOT going to tell her not to cry anymore. I think that wanting her to not cry is for ME, not HER. And that's silly, selfish parenting on my part. :( I guess I don't want her to make me uncomfortable, and crying does just that, because what parent likes to see their kid upset?
How do you teach your child how to handle their emotions, especially in upsetting situations?
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