Ramblings...

So, it seems that I've taken almost two YEARS off from posting at this blog. Oops! Oh well! :( Anyway, it occurred to me this afternoon that this might just be the very appropriate place to journal a few motherly musings about our lives, as they happen. So, let the rambling begin! I've noticed a few times lately that Faith is working hard to gain more control over her emotions. One day, I was sharing with her that I had been sad this past summer after the unexpected death of a dear friend, a father figure to me in June. She said something along the lines of "When you think of something sad, just think of something else and you won't be sad anymore." I *wish* I could recall it word for word, but that was the gist. Basically, think happy thoughts. Don't think sad thoughts. And all will be well with you. Is this pure suppression at its finest? Or is she on to something here??? I'm honestly not sure! Today, I pick her up from school and tell her that we were going to the doctor and she has to get some shots, which she LOATHES (well, what person LIKES them, really?). Honestly, in the past, it has been super-dramatic, with nurses accidentally sticking her multiple times because she won't hold still. So, today, I tell her that she needs to try to be brave and that we are going to get ice cream BEFORE we get the shots, so that the shots won't hurt so much (a lil sugar high cuts down on pain reception, dontcha know?!?). She takes this all in rather well, better even than I expected, but while clipping her into the carseat, I notice that her eyes are swimming with unshed tears. And her bottom lip is set in a firm line. She's trying not to cry with all her might. And my heart BREAKS. Just BREAKS. For my girl and her strength. And for how I've utterly messed up. WHEN did I start to teach her that it's BAD to cry, for Pete's sake??? How has she received that message? So, I tell her that it's okay to cry. And I hug her. Lots. And kiss her too. In her world, getting shots is a BIG deal and I was asking her to NOT FEEL upset. That's not okay with me. She's FIVE and already she's pushing her emotions down. Then, we get on the road to said doctor's appointment and we are talking about how the appointment will go, when she interrupts me and says "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's talk about something else." And I understand. And, at the same time, admire her ability to tell her mama to shut up about the shots already!!! So, she got the shots and is super proud of herself for not saying "ouch", although she cried a LOT before AND after them, even though I got two nurses in there to give the shots in both legs at the same time (I HIGHLY recommend tandem shot-giving!!!). And we talk some MORE (poor kid) about what it means to be brave--when you do something even though you are scared. And that even if she HAD said "ouch" she would have STILL been brave. And that I'm proud of her, so proud of how brave she was! But, I just have this thing in the back of my mind that can't stop wondering how to teach my child better. How to teach her how to express her emotions, but control them too. I don't know if *I* know how to do those things!!! I DO know that I'm NOT going to tell her not to cry anymore. I think that wanting her to not cry is for ME, not HER. And that's silly, selfish parenting on my part. :( I guess I don't want her to make me uncomfortable, and crying does just that, because what parent likes to see their kid upset? How do you teach your child how to handle their emotions, especially in upsetting situations?